


The End of All Things

by augustskies



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Angst and Feels, Apocalypse, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Post-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 02:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15832191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/augustskies/pseuds/augustskies
Summary: " His world, the one he wouldn't have given up for anything, was a person. "In which the apocalpse is coming, but not in the way you might think.





	The End of All Things

The world was ending.

At least, according to the reporters on television talking a mile a minute whilst pure chaos could be seen taking place behind them. It wasn't like how it happened in the movies. There were no zombies or gory horrors lurking in the smoking piles of rubble. No gunfire or atomic explosions.

The apocalypse was another kind of terror entirely.

The camera zoomed in and out of focus, closing in on face after face as roaring static crackled in the background. There were people huddled together on the sidewalk, clutching at each other and sobbing hysterically, while others stood by silently with uncomprehending expressions and blank looks in their eyes.

A hoax, some said. A preposterous idea presented by scientists in over their heads. An elaborate scheme cooked up by politicians lusting after power and influence over the media and public. No one was quite sure how word had first gotten out, exactly, but it was international. Panic had spread over the globe like a plague, and footage of screaming stampedes could be seen everywhere.

On the PSU campus, Fox Tower was unusually quiet. Dan, Matt, and Neil had been in the middle of a movie marathon when the news came on.

The three of them were sprawled across the couch with identical sets of glazed eyes glued to the screen.

Allison was the one who burst into the room waving her phone and demanding they _turn whatever corny romcom they were watching off right now and listen the fuck up_.

" We're all going to die sometime in the next twenty four hours, " she said once she had their attention. Her eyes were bright and her jaw was set into a firm line. Neil noted how her hair was awfully disheveled, and the way she looked as if she'd just run twenty miles. The words hung in the air like a swarm of angry flies who wouldn't stop their incessant buzzing.

" Allison, " Dan ventured cautiously. Wordlessly, the other girl handed her phone over. Matt and Neil both scooted closer to read over Dan's shoulder as she began to scroll through the article currently displayed on the web page.

A highly irrational number of deaths in the past few hours. An entire school of students and teachers in China found dead for no apparent reason. Parents had been trying to get in touch with faculty members when children didn't show up at the end of the final period. Hospitals suddenly flooded with incoming patients in France. A tsunami in Japan which took out an estimated one tenth of the population. Wildfires spreading in the deserts of Egypt. Volcano eruptions in northern Italy. Hurricanes in Texas tearing down structures and heading south. Earthquakes in India. An unidentifiable virus spreading in Russia.

It was too much at once and too terrible to be a coincidence.

" It's all over the national news, " Allison confirmed when they'd finished reading.

" Every. Single. Fucking. Channel. Newspapers. Radio stations. It's everywhere. All social media platforms are blowing up. They're saying- " She broke off.

" It can't be true, " Dan said quietly. Matt looked as if he'd been sucker punched.

Neil glanced out the window. It was late afternoon, but the sky was still lit with piercing sunshine. He wasn't sure what the proper reaction here was. Did Allison really believe what everyone online was apparently saying at the moment? Why had she come here to announce this to them ? Since it looked like no one was going to say anything else, he decided to speak up.

" Where are the others, " Neil said, the words coming out as a statement instead of a question. He looked Allison in the eye as he spoke.

She paused. " I was with Renee in the car. She's waiting in the parking lot, and Kevin's at the court with Wymack, I think. Maybe Abby, too. Aaron's with Katelyn God knows where. I have no idea where Andrew is. And Nicky's in- "

" Germany, " Neil finished.

Erik had had an accident last week and Nicky had taken a few days off to fly over.

He stood up and left the room with one person on his mind.

                                                                                                                                          ***********

 

 Andrew was laying on the roof, cigarette dangling from pale lips and arms folded under messy blond hair.

Neil felt an unexpected pang in his chest as he walked towards the other boy slowly.

The sun hung in a fierce haze overhead, casting ominous shadows behind the two lone figures.

He sank down on the concrete silently.

" Let me guess. " Andrew flicked him a disinterested glance, tilting his head sideways so he could squint against the sunlight .

" The world is ending ? "

Neil wrapped his arms around his knees, digging them into his chest painfully. There was so much he wanted to say to Andrew, but when he opened his mouth, the words wouldn't come out. The air felt unbearably dry and scorched his throat.

After a few seconds, a cigarette landed on the crook of his elbow. He swallowed and forced himself to meet Andrew's gaze, blinking furiously.

" Tell me what you're thinking. "

The cool facade never once cracked.

Neil sucked in a sharp breath. " I don't know, " he admitted quietly. " The news- "

" Fuck the news. "

" You don't believe it ? " He raised an eyebrow.

Andrew shrugged. " If it happens, it happens. Why the long face ? "

Neil shut his eyes, feeling a sudden wave of bone deep weariness wash over him.

" Let's talk about something else, " he agreed at last. There was something clawing away at the pit of his chest, a foreboding sense of dread, but the feeling eased significantly when Andrew leaned a little closer. The sunlight turned his eyes into molten pools of gold, and Neil thought he could drown in them.

" Yes, " he said before the question was asked.  

 

                                                                                                                                                **********

 

 As they sat side by side on the roof of the Maserati in the fading light, Neil knew somehow that it was the last time he would be doing this with Andrew. All day long the weight in his chest had never eased, and they'd already dwindled away most of the afternoon sitting around in front of the tv watching a rerun of some old comedy no one had been much interested in.

Yet what mattered, he thought, was how Andrew had casually rested his feet on Neil's lap. How their buttery fingers had brushed and entwined in the popcorn bowl between them. How Kevin had started a food fight immediately after suggesting that they swap their snacks for a healthier alternative. How despite Aaron's repeated proclamations of their immaturity after watching the three of them toss bits of popcorn at each other, there was a slight twitch to his lips despite the disgusted expression.

As Neil took a long drag on his cigarette, he mused slowly over everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours. A few hours after Allison had barged in with the news, there had been a lengthy video call from Nicky.

He remembered the glow on the other man's face as he told them about his recent trip to a local bazaar with Erik. There had been questions, too, of course, jokes and banter aside, no one had missed the slight catch in Nicky's voice when he asked if they had seen the news. To which they gave a neutral affirmative, and then weighty silence had descended for a few seconds, clearly noticeable if only briefly. _I love you guys_ , Nicky had said at the end.

Neil wondered at the words. They rang foreign in his mind, no matter how much he tried to reconcile the syllables with the meaning he'd been told. He understood the emotion underlying Nicky's voice, of course, and he thought he could guess at what it must feel like, being thousands of miles away from people you cared about and whom you weren't quite sure you'd truly see again.

The dull pain in his chest flared up a little at that. But Andrew ? He glanced at the goalie sitting next to him right now, shoulders hunched and arms wrapped around knees in a not quite completely relaxed stance. He studied the hazel eyes staring blankly off into the distance and noticed how the shadows danced across those cheekbones in a certain pattern.

Neil was ready for what came next.

" Staring, I know, " he said before Andrew could open his mouth.

The other boy made a humming sound. " I don't like it when you steal my lines. "

" Then don't be so damn predictable for once, " he shot back immediately.

That earned him Andrew's full attention.

" Your point is ? "

This time, a clump of cigarette ashes landed on the front of his hoodie.

He rolled his eyes and brushed himself off. " I like knowing what you're going to say, " he admitted.

" I like... knowing you. "

Andrew gave him an unimpressed look.

" You like your coffee with a ridiculous amount of sugar, " he began, seemingly out of nowhere. " And you like driving with the windows down, one hand on the sill. You prefer Mexican takeout over Indian. You hate bumper stickers for some reason. You like your ice cream slightly melted. "

The feeling in his chest intensified. There was an awful quiet in the air just then, as if Neil had just carved out a part of his heart and was waiting for Andrew to pick it up from where it lay trembling on the metal roof between them.

Just when he'd given up on any hopes of a response, he heard a loud exhale beside him.

" Such a drama queen, Josten. " Andrew continued to look bored.

Neil smiled grimly. " Humor me this once, " he suggested.

" Talk to me. "

There was a pause.

" Do you want me to say it ? " Andrew asked at last, turning around to look him in the eye.

" _What Nicky said earlier_. "

He felt his breath hitch in his throat. The three words which for so long, he'd blindly refused to even consider for longer than a few fleeting seconds on rare occasions. Could they still hold a meaning to someone like him ? He wasn't sure.

In fact, he wasn't sure of much of anything at that moment, only that the building pain in his ribcage seemed to blossom as seconds ticked by.

" I don't know, " he told Andrew.

" You- " He tried to put into words the emotions he felt, only to find with increasing frustration that his sentences were swallowed back each time he attempted to spit them out.

" I don't know, either, " Andrew said finally, sparing him the fruitless effort of trying to speak his mind.

" I'll trade you a truth for a truth. " Neil exhaled.

This was familiar territory, he could do this. He went with the first question which rose to the surface of his mind.

" Are you happy ? "

Andrew's jaw visibly tightened for a second.

" Happy, " he repeated. " I'm fine, I suppose. "

There was no way Neil could have missed the heavy sarcasm and the emphasis on a certain word there.

" No, " he told Andrew. " Cut the bullshit. This isn't how the game works, you know that. "

_Last time they would be-_

" Whatever you're thinking, stop, " Andrew commanded. " I can see that look on your face, I hate it. "

" I hate you, too, " he added casually after a moment.

Neil waited.

" There are times, " Andrew ground out at last, sounding as if the words pained him physically.

" That I think, yes, I feel something close to what you asked. " He glared at Neil for a second before continuing.

" It's like standing on top of the world or something. Fucking heights. You know I hate those. Almost as much as I hate you and this stupid question. "

He let out a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding then.

" Thank you, " he told Andrew. His mind was a tangle of indecipherable feelings at the moment, but already the next question was rising to the tip of his tongue.

" Junkie. " Andrew blew a ring of smoke in his direction lazily by way of response, seemingly lost in thoughts of his own before he snapped back to ask his own question.

" If you could go anywhere you hadn't been to before, " he said. " Where would you run off to, hmm ? "

Neil considered for a few minutes.

" Norway. "

" I've always kind of wanted to see the Northern Lights. "

Andrew gave him a flat look.

" You should have gone with Nicky one of those times he went to visit Erik, then. It wouldn't have been too far to visit, and I'm sure they would have been overjoyed to take you. "

" Maybe, " he agreed mildly.

" I'd want to go with you, though. " He dared slide a glance at Andrew, only to be met with a blank stare. " Would you come with me ? "

The other boy let out a long suffering sigh. " Is that your question? "

" Yeah, fine. "

Andrew studied him for a while.

" Yes. "

The last slants of sunlight were fading fast now, a chill creeping into the evening air, but Neil felt a jolt of something electric then. His brain told him to not overthink that yes, but his traitorous heart was already conjuring up flashes of a star filled sky with Andrew under it, next to him on the grass.

It sounded like a dream, but tasted like damnation.

" What about you ? Where would you go, I mean. " He was curious.

" Greece. " There was no hesitation in Andrew's short response.

Again, his stupid heart twisted and this time whispered _sunshine and wine and lying on the hot sand and Andrew standing in the waves as the ocean rushed around the two of them._

He tried to ignore the slow burn spreading through his ribs now.

" We could take a cruise, " he said slowly.

" We wouldn't even have to fly in an airplane. Unless you have something against boats, too ? "

He'd meant for it to come out as lighthearted, but his voice sounded a bit too heavy even to his own ears.

" Nothing against boats, " Andrew agreed. " Just certain idiot junkies who can't stop being annoying. "

" You wound me so, you do. "

Andrew didn't bother dignifying the snark and instead flicked his cigarette aside to light another in a single well practiced motion. This time, he took longer to take his turn. When he finally spoke again, the sky was dark and the last bits of warmth had been drained into the biting wind beginning to stir.

" Baltimore, " he said, and with that word, Neil could feel something crack in his chest.

" Why did you go ? "

He could no longer see Andrew's features in the shadows, just a faint silhouette in the spreading darkness around him.

He meant, _not because they threatened to take the Foxes out and not because there was nothing else he could have done_ but _why ?_

There had only ever been one answer to that question, and Neil stuttered it out at last.

Already, the pain in his body was building up to unbearable, yet the words came through surprisingly strong.

" Andrew, " he said quietly.

" The world isn't ending. "

" No. "

The sheer force and venom behind that single word was so overpowering, he knew he had to try again. He would keep trying for as long as he could.

" You know why. "

" _Stop._ "

And then cold hands were locked around his throat, and he was being shoved against the roof with all the might of a furious five foot one goalkeeper. This close, he could see the glints of gold tumbling in those hazel eyes.

" The world isn't ending, " he repeated.

" Stop lying, " Andrew snarled, fingers wound tightly in his hair, simmering heat radiating off of him.

" You fucking promised me, Neil. "

" _Neil. Nathaniel. Abram._ "

" You were supposed to be different. You were supposed to keep your damn word and not break all those stupid promises. The truth, remember ? No lies, that's what I told you. "

The words were spit out in a rush. Neil knew that Andrew's apathy had never been an act, but a wall of thorns grown to protect and defend , and it was this knowledge which weighed heaviest on his heart just then. Knowing that he was the one who had penetrated those guards at last and forced those barriers to come crashing down, because-

" My mother, " he whispered.

" She told me... people like us, we weren't built for love. Not love or happiness or anything good, because the bad ran down to our bones. "

" You, " he pressed on. " Made me think otherwise. "

That feeling, the one which had been gnawing away at his heart like a chronic plague for months, finally tore apart the messy scar tissue and stitches which had been holding him together up until now. He allowed the feeling to seep into the void in his chest slowly, like a blood stain spreading on fabric.

Neil tried to blink away the tears.

He knew Andrew would never be able to say the exact same words back to him, but that he would understand, as he himself finally did.

The three words in English might be ruined forever, tainted with unwelcome implications and haunted memories, but in another language-

He said it softly at first, almost a whisper, in lilting German.

In all his years on the run with his mother, Neil had never known what it meant to willingly let go of a lifeline. To give over that last bit of control and find out what lay at the bottom of a free fall. Looking into Andrew's eyes felt like looking into kaleidoscopes tumbling with memories and lives lived and lost.

He was no longer afraid, and so he said it again, this time in French, voice a little stronger.

Then in Japanese.

Spanish.

Russian.

He said the words again and again, in all the different languages he spoke, and with each time he said it, he could feel his resolve strengthening, and yes, the words made sense at long last.

Andrew's grip on him was already slackening, and those beautiful glints of gold were slowing down, retreating farther and farther into oblivion, but all Neil could feel as he stared into the nebulous chasm closing in on his vision was peace.

He thought glimpsed a tear track streaking down Andrew's face in the dark, mirroring his own, though it could have easily been a dying star in the distance.

 

                                                                                                                                         **********

 

 " _Andrew._ "

Nicky was there, a pale figure looming over him in a way that distinctly made him recoil, hunched over as if he could somehow will himself into disappearance.

His throat tasted like sandpaper.

Behind Nicky, he could make out shapes moving under lights which were too bright, lights which pierced his pounding skull with a dull ache.

" What the fuck. "

He knew there was something wrong. What was the last thing he'd been doing before he fell asleep? Had he even fallen asleep ?

" Why am I alive, Nicky ? Why are you ? "

He noticed the way his cousin flinched at that.

" It was all a hoax, then ? "

" Andrew- "

He was getting so tired of hearing his name spoken that way. Who else had said his name like that ?

His hands were trembling. He needed a cigarette.

" Neil, " he ground out.

Nicky let out a low moan, burying his face in his hands. Andrew was out of the bed he didn't even recognize in a split second, grabbing Nicky roughly.

" Talk, " he snapped.

" Stop, Andrew. Just, please- "

He gave Nicky's arm a slow twist, voice flat. " Tell me. And don't use that word. "

Ignoring the cries from his cousin, he pressed on until at last Nicky opened his mouth again. It was only then that he noticed the bloodshot eyes and sallow cheeks.

" He's gone, Andrew, " Nicky choked out. " You have to stop- It's been a year. We need you. And you know how much this is affecting Aaron, too, right ? I know it hurts like fucking hell, but you have to let us in. Let us help you. Talk to us. Pl- " He caught himself just in time.

Andrew was beginning to feel numbness spreading in the pit of his stomach.

" The world was supposed to end, " he told Nicky calmly. " But since it hasn't, apparently, kindly tell me where the fuck Neil is and stop whatever sick joke you think you're playing. "

" My knives, " he added. " Don't think I need them to kill you. "

The absence of his arm guards were disturbing, and he felt oddly unsettled without the familiar weight of his blades against his skin.

Nicky was crying now, barely coherent through his tears as he spoke.

" Neil died last year, " he gasped. " In Baltimore. "

**_Why did you go ?_ **

" You sick fuck, " he said to Nicky slowly.

" He said- "

_**You know why.** _

 " Norway. The _fucking_ Northern Lights, that's what he wanted to see. " Andrew ignored the guttural sound Nicky made just then, pushing on.

" I hate him. "

When all Nicky did was continue the terrible sobbing, he lashed out with flying fists and bared teeth, at anything and everything he could find, because the need to self destruct was so strong just then.

He barely remembered Nicky calling out for help while footsteps pounded outside the room and unfamiliar faces came swarming in, hands reaching out for him before everything went dark.

The last thing he knew was pain, pain, pain.

 

                                                                                                                                                **********

 

 

They were standing on the deck of a massive ship.

Something in Andrew's chest tightened at seeing the figure beside him, leaning casually against the railing with a cigarette loosely held between scarred fingers.

" Hey. "

Neil turned to look at him with a slowly spreading smile.

" You're a pipe dream, " was all he could think to say in response.

Neil stepped a little closer, sending him a look before threading his fingers through Andrew's where they clenched the railing.

" Maybe, " the idiot agreed, tracing patterns on his palm as he spoke thoughtfully. " But I don't think I mind so much right now. Do you ? "

Andrew couldn't breathe.

" The world was ending, " he said hollowly.

Neil shook his head slowly. " No, that's what I've been trying to tell you. "

" The world didn't end, Andrew, " he said gently.

" It was just me. "

He glared at the moron, unable to make the words come out. It was never _just_ Neil.

He would have chosen Neil over the world in a heartbeat. His world, the one he wouldn't have ever given up for anything, was a person.

Neil seemed to understand as he gripped Andrew's hand a little tighter. " Let me show you, " he said softly. " I can't ask you to stay, but I promise, I'm not running anymore. "

Andrew laughed bitterly. " Stupid hallucination. You were never supposed to be more than this. A side effect of the drugs. "

He could feel himself sinking. Neil was the sliver of light escaping from the crack underneath closed doors behind which there was too much darkness. Behind which lay rooms Andrew sometimes felt forever trapped in, held down and powerless and hurting in too many ways to number. He'd made a promise to himself. He would not be vulnerable and he would not allow anyone to chase away his darkness. Because he knew what it meant to let another person in the room. To allow them to try and fix his broken parts, would mean letting them see just how truly battered he was.

Those gaping wounds were ugly and visceral, and they were his alone. Then he'd met a runaway boy, and all of that had changed somewhat.

He wanted-

Dammit, he _wanted_.

He wanted a chance at that terrifying possibility of losing control. He wanted to be able to say those words he knew had been true for some time now.

" I know, " Neil said quietly. " But do you remember me, Andrew ? "

The question alone knocked the air out of his windpipe with an alarming speed.

He remembered lying on the cold metal roof of the Maserati with Neil in the fading dusk. _Norway_ , Neil had said. _Will you come with me_ ? He didn't understand how he could miss something which had never happened so painfully. Andrew thought of keys and the Northern Lights and _yes or no_ and lips that tasted like cigarette smoke and warmth.

" Yes, " he told his pipe dream.

Neil smiled. " Then I am not a pipe dream, Andrew, " he said gently.

" You know me better than that. You know about the worst parts. "

He knew.

Nathaniel Wesninski was a part of what made Neil Josten, and that part was the too sharp smile edged with a hint of cruelty sometimes. The two of them were similar in some ways more than others, in the sense that both, Andrew knew, held the potential for mass destruction. Collateral damage. He would let Neil destroy him, if that was what it took for him to stay.

Already he could see the edges of the horizon disintegrating, fraying and disappearing, drawing farther away from him with each second that passed. He knew he didn't have much time left.

" I'll see you again, " Neil breathed. " In this world or another. "

Andrew hated how much he wished the words were true. He hated Neil, and most of all he hated that he didn't hate Neil in the least bit. Not even close.

Neil was his false truth, the one which would haunt him forever in that twilight space between oblivion and painful conciousness.

" So this is the end, " he found himself saying.

When he blinked, for just a split second, he could see the world teetering on sunlit waves, caught in the same golden haze which engulfed Neil and set him on fire. Andrew opened his eyes to a different world. Or perhaps it was the same as always, really, had been all along. He could no longer tell the difference between manifestations of his drug addled mind and the stark barrenness of a harsh reality. All he knew was that Neil was gone. With that thought in mind, he closed his eyes once more and allowed darkness to take over. 

**Author's Note:**

> Two am me should not be allowed to exist. I should be banned from writing late at night, full stop. This was inspired by the netflix movie How It Ends, I wanted to write an ' end of the world " type fic after watching and this happened... Believe it or not, the plot twist was not planned, I swear. I guess I'm just a die hard sucker for angst ?
> 
> Thank you for reading and experiencing my sad andreil hours with me. Leave me a comment and let me know what you thought of my second completed fic !! I love you guys <33  
> ( Btw, the title is taken from the song by p!atd of the same name. )


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